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New series no. 4 June-July 1998
Woman from Srebrenica
by Hadzem Hajdarevic

Srebrenicanka

Moja je kuca strijeljana u ratu

i ni za mezar njezin ne znam.

A danas se pitam je li to zaista

bila moja kuca, u kuci moj otac,

uz oca moja majka, i moja

vec davno pomrla braca,

i sestre, jesam li to bila ja

u kuci ciju urnu pod jezikom

nosim. U kuci sam sretala

rodake koji vec davno bjezahu

od zavicaja, a danas u dalekim

vodama vec postaju ribe sa skrgama

od zlata. Zato, sve cesce u ribljim

restoranima od Kolna do Kuala Lumpura

iz tanjira vadim sjetne oci prijatelja

iz djetinjstva. Niz grlo klize njihova

topla riblja srca. Pitam se jesam li to bila ja

u zemlji ciju okrvavljenu glavu

pod tudim pazuhom nosim.

NiÐta vise nije moje, niti je ikad

bilo moje. I sjecanje trpim kao rijeku

ponornicu koja me razdvaja

u dvoje, koja me raznosi u hiljadu

i jednu deltu, na sve cetiri strane

svijeta, da nikada vise

ne pomislim na prag preko kojeg

u posljednjem trenu utekoh u svijet.

Woman from Srebrenica

My house was shot in the war

And I don't know where even its grave lies.

But today I wonder if it really was

my house, in the house my father,

my mother beside him, and my

brothers and sisters long ago

extinct, was it I

in the house whose urn I bear

beneath my tongue. In the house I would meet

cousins, who long ago fled

their birthplace and today in distant

waters are already becoming fish with

golden gills. That is why, ever more often in

fish restaurants from Cologne to Kuala Lumpur,

I take from my plate the melancholy eyes of my childhood

friends. Their warm fish hearts

slide down my throat. I wonder if it was I

in the land whose bloodied head I bear

beneath another's arm.

Nothing is mine any longer, nor

has ever been mine. I endure even memory like

a lost river that divides me into two,

that tears me apart into a thousand

and one deltas, to the four corners of the

earth, so that I may never more

give a thought to the threshold over which

at the last moment I escaped into the world.

11 July 1997

English translation by Andrea Lesic

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